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12 Bonehead Basics of Car Maintenance
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You know, That Guy who thinks that the best way to keep a car from overheating is to roll down the window. That Guy who hires the neighborhood kid to wash his car 'cause he’s allergic to “going outside and doing things.” There are lots of ways to be That Guy, but only one way not

to be: by regaining your self-sufficiency and learning the basics about car care. Using STP® is a good first step. And while we can’t do the rest for you, we'll give you a few pointers. Check out the tutorials. Take a look at the videos. And get under your hood. Good luck, and Don't Be That Guy.

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  • Aug
    24
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    Defensive Driving Tips from Odie

    Posted in: This Guy Wisdom, Car Knowledge
    Shaq Diesel
    Rule #1: Don’t freak out, man.

    Hola, chief. Originally, today’s blog was going to discuss tactical driving techniques, like how to drift your car (as in Tokyo Drift), perform a backwards j-turn, execute a police pit maneuver, and jump over a washed out bridge Dukes of Hazzard-style complete with Waylon Jennings’ voice over. But our legal department shut this topic down faster than Garfield on hot lasagna. And yes, I just made a reference to a pasta-loving cartoon cat that hasn’t been relevant in 25 years (For the record, I’m talking about the comic strip, not the terrible movies. Why Bill Murray… why?) So instead, today we’re going to talk about defensive driving techniques. Because this will make the lawyers happy, and maybe you’ll learn a thing or two that will keep your family safe.

    In the NFL, they always say defense wins championships. Here at STP, we say defensive driving gets you home from the mall alive. And really, that’s the best way to get home from the mall. Because the alternative isn’t so appealing, especially after a deliciously frothy Orange Julius and a trip to Baby Gap.  Just follow these simple tips and everything will be smooth like Ex-Lax:

    • WATCH YOUR DISTANCE (AKA GET OFF MY A*S)

    Did you know that 10% of all auto accidents are caused by tailgating? That’s why it’s important to practice the two-second rule. And no, I’m talking about dropping a piece of food and eating it within two seconds of hitting the floor (though that rule is totally valid). I’m talking about remaining two full seconds behind the car in front of you.  Here’s how to check your distance:

    1. Watch the vehicle ahead of you pass some fixed point, like a mile marker, signpost, or a hitchhiking hobo.
    2. Count off the seconds it takes you to reach the same spot in the road (“one thousand and one, one thousand and two…”)
    3. If you reach the mark before you count the two seconds, you are following too closely. Slow down and check your distance again. If road or weather conditions are not good, use your best judgment to increase your following distance.

    • BUCKLE UP, KNUCKLEHEAD

    This is a no-brainer. Because 63% of people killed in accidents are not wearing seat belts. And seatbelts have saved more than 50,000 lives and prevented 590,000 serious injuries since 1983. So do it. And make sure your kids (child car seats for the little ones) and passengers (even those in the back seat) are buckled up too.

    • ADAPT TO ROAD CONDITIONS

    Certain conditions impair your ability to drive safely, like:

    Night Driving: Not to bum you out, chief, but death rates for nighttime driving are four times higher than daytime driving. And even with headlights, it is extremely difficult to detect pedestrians, bicyclists and hitchhiking hobos. Always use your headlights between sunset and sunrise.

    Fog OR Smoke: Turn on your low-beam headlights and fog lights (if your vehicle is equipped with them). Be prepared to stop suddenly. If the fog becomes so thick that you can’t see what’s in front of you, pull completely off the road, turn on your emergency flashers, and wait until visibility improves. If this is the creepy kind of fog that contains flesh-eating pirate zombies like in the John Carpenter film, lock yourself in the trunk and wield the tire iron as a weapon.

    Rain: Roads are extra slippery at the start of a rain shower because oil, which rises to the road surface, has not had a chance to wash away. Heavy rains can cause your tires can to hydroplane. To borrow a phrase from Dennis Hopper, “Slow it down, man…”

    Snow and Ice: If your vehicle begins to slide, take the following steps to regain control:

    1. Take your foot off the accelerator pedal.
    2. If you have anti-lock brakes, apply them firmly. Otherwise, avoid using brakes, pumping them gently only if you are about to hit something (like a pirate zombie or a hitchhiking hobo).
    3. Steer the vehicle into the direction of the skid to straighten out the vehicle.
    4. Then steer in the direction you wish to go.

    •    COMMUNICATE YOUR INTENTIONS

    Other drivers on the road aren’t mind readers (unless it’s Sylvia Brown, Uri Geller, or my wife), so you have to let them know what your next move will be. This means signaling early, signaling continuously, and canceling your signal when your move is complete. Because there’s nothing worse than driving three hours behind some hooplehead with his turn signal on.

    • AVOID DISTRACTIONS

    I’m talkin’ to you, Sir Text-a-Lot. That’s right, chief: don’t mess with your cell phone, don’t send text messages, don’t surf the interwebs, don’t fiddle with the radio, don’t eat a giant Medieval Times turkey leg, don’t read the map… don’t do any of it while driving.

    • STAY ALERT

    Drivers who are sleepy or fatigued demonstrate the same impaired judgment and decreased reaction times as drunk drivers. So if you begin to feel tired at the wheel, pull over and take a break. Some other tips to stay awake:

    1. Crank up the radio (preferably Pablo Cruise or Toto).
    2. Roll down a window. Don’t worry about mussin’ your hair, chief—safety is paramount.
    3. Pull over and get a cup of coffee. Cuz nuthin’ beats truckstop coffee.
    4. Find a live badger at a rest stop and put it on the passenger seat next you (we don’t actually recommend this last one, but it will definitely keep you awake).

    If you follow these simple rules, you’ll greatly improve your chances of arriving safely at your destination. Because that’s what it’s really all about: getting’ there safely. That, and eating a giant Medieval Times turkey leg when the car pulls into the driveway.

    That’s it for today, amigos. Until next time: travel safe, live smart, and get your hands dirty. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some badger funk to clean off my front seat.

    —RC, STP® blogger


     

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