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Jan27
$#!%
Pardon my French, chief. Some jerk just cut me off.
We’ve all been there. Picture the nicest person you’ve ever met. Now picture them in their car, cursing like a drunken sailor’s drunker sailor buddy at another driver that just cut them off. Because you can bet your sweet bacon they’ve done it. Nice people roll their eyes at jerks in person, but a jerk behind the wheel of a car could make Gandhi scream all seven of George Carlin’s seven words you can never say on television (RIP to both my heroes, Gandhi and Carlin).
It’s not hard to understand road rage. Everyone knows cars can be dangerous. We want everyone to take driving seriously. So when someone…
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Dec210 Comments
Your New Years’ Resolutions
Posted in: Who's That Guy?, This Guy Wisdom, News, Car Knowledge
Happy New Year from STP!Hola, chief. It’s that time of year when people start thinking about their New Years’ resolutions – those annual goals we set for ourselves like losing weight, quitting smoking, beginning an exercise regimen, spending more time with loved ones, and adopting a monkey. Actually, that last one is my own personal resolution, and has been for each of the last twenty-seven years.
Unfortunately, my wife’s not totally on board with the idea. I can still hear her… -
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Nov020 Comments
Wiper Blades of Glory
Posted in: This Guy Wisdom, News, Tips and Tricks: Exterior, Car Knowledge
Wrong blade.So the calendar just rolled forward to November and that means three things: election day (did you vote?), the San Francisco 49ers being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, and rain. And I’m not talking about Purple Rain, or Red Rain, or Rainn Wilson, or Fat Joe and Lil Wayne in the champagne room throwing money at exotic dancers to “make it rain.” I’m talking about actual water-falling-from-the-sky rain. Precipitation. The wet stuff. Which brings us to today’s…
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Oct210 Comments
This Czech (Car) Won’t Bounce
Posted in: This Guy Wisdom, Car Culture, News, Car Knowledge
Is it real or a video game?By now you’ve noticed we like teasing you, chief, only because we’re here to help you learn. And learning is supposed to be fun — Einstein said that once, or maybe it was Mario Andretti.
Either way, we say use your ride to bring a smile to your face — unlike that time you got all aggro playing bumper cars at the boardwalk and made that 10-year-old cry. That wasn’t fun; it was just sad — and still creepier than you hitting on the kid’s mom afterward.…
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Aug310 Comments
The Dirt on Dirt Track Racing
Posted in: Who's That Guy?, This Guy Wisdom, Car Culture, News, Car Knowledge
We love the dirt.Hola chief. If we were compiling a list of things that make us feel like men, things that really bring out the grunting Neanderthal in all of us, it would include cold American beer, hot Memphis barbecue, Ice Road Truckers, that red-haired lady on Mad Men, NFL tailgating parties, James Caan as Sonny Corleone in The Godfather, shaving with a straight razor, every Chuck Norris movie (except Side Kicks), watching demolitions experts blow stuff up, Robert Shaw…
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Aug031 Comment
Cars Go Vroom: A Racing Primer
Posted in: Who's That Guy?, This Guy Wisdom, Car Culture, News, Car Knowledge
The future of NASCAR?Hola, chief. Did you know that the most-watched sport on television in America is professional football? People love their NFL. In fact, one of our STP bloggers actually bleeds Oakland Raider silver and black. And that’s not an exaggeration. If you cut him, there is no blood, only a foul black paste that seeps from the wound. He wept for three days when he heard that legendary Raider safety Jack “the Executioner” Tatum had recently passed on to that great locker…
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Jul130 Comments
Maximizing Fuel Efficiency: It’s a Gas!
Posted in: Who's That Guy?, This Guy Wisdom, Car Culture, News, Tips and Tricks: Under the Hood, Car Knowledge
Pump it up?Hola, chief. The dog days of summer are upon us, and many families are hitting the highways for one of America’s great traditions: the family road trip. Back in the summer of ’79, my dad packed up our Plymouth Volare station wagon and drove my cousin Ray-Ray and me to musical theater camp down by Lake Okeechobee. I only bring it up because that’s the summer when I became a man. No, I’m not talking about that time with Margaret Hammerfist behind the boathouse. I’m talking about…
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Jul09
The Future of Racing?What do you love more than auto racing, chief? I mean, besides your boy-band CD mix, or that framed picture of you hi-fiving yourself the day you won your fantasy football league?
Bottom line, I’m with you—on the auto racing, not the boy bands. Which is why I loved reading about the Citroen Survolt, a brand new electric racing car. That’s a rare breed, like a unicorn, or a pro athlete without an arrest record.
The Survolt will debut July 10 at the LeMans…
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Jul060 Comments
FLYING CARS & THE ROBOT UPRISING
Posted in: This Guy Wisdom, Car Culture, News, Car Knowledge
The Future of Driving?Hola, chief. Ever since I was a little hombre, I’ve had an intense fear of flying. Sure, we had to get on a plane to visit places like Dollywood, Twitty City (home of Conway Twitty) and Lansing, Michigan (birthplace of Burt Reynolds), but I never much enjoyed the airborne experience. The doctor at the nervous hospital said it’s because I have “control” issues. Personally, I think it’s because I don’t like hurtling through the air in a cylindrical death tube…
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May27
Hola, chief. So the long Memorial Day weekend is upon us. First and foremost, this holiday is about honoring our fallen soldiers who have given the ultimate sacrifice for their country. It’s also when we fire up the barbecue grill, bust out the bathing suit (no Speedos, chief), and hit the open road along with 28 million other Americans. Yes, the Memorial Day road trip is an integral part of our culture. I remember taking a strange road trip back in ’94. I was cruising through a remote stretch of California desert when a brilliant, blinding light filled the night sky. I woke up four days later in a Denny’s parking lot in downtown Tijuana with a killer headache and a mysterious burn…
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May24
Hola, chief. So it was one incredible, emotionally draining weekend, and now I’m plum tuckered. It all started on Saturday when I took my wife to the crafts fair down in Carterville by the Winn-Dixie, because that’s what a good husband does. Besides, where else are we gonna find an oven mitt with a kitten stenciled on it, an Elvis portrait done in needlepoint, or a macramé toilet paper cozy? Please, don’t answer that.
But the real waterworks started on Sunday. I’m not even sure where to begin.
I guess I’ll start with the Lost series finale. I’m not going to recap the final 2½ hour episode – I’ll leave that to others. I will say this: I have…
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May211 Comment
I Did it All For the Wookie…
Posted in: Who's That Guy?, This Guy Wisdom, Car Culture, News, Car Knowledge
Hola, chief. So last week I was down at the Piggly Wiggly, and I was killing time in the magazine aisle while my wife was shopping for her special lady-things. I ended up buying the new issue of Esquire, not because it had Mad Men’s cartoonishly voluptuous Christina Hendricks on the cover, or because of the photo spread where she’s eating a slice of watermelon in such a way that my pulse quickened and my vision began to blur. No, I picked up the issue because of the article about Andrew Cuomo, current New York state Attorney General and son of former New York governor Mario Cuomo. It’s likely that Andrew Cuomo will run for governor of the Empire state himself this fall, but that’s…
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